Poppy was 19 and a half months old when the first mum from our antenatal group announced her second pregnancy. While there had been whispers about another early pregnancy, this one was official—and it hit me hard. Of course, I was happy and excited for her and her family, but with some unexpected sadness too. Later on, came the realisation that explained this sadness…the choice was effectively never there for me! The feeling that you lack the freedom to…was quite crushing.
I remember a few mums saying right after giving birth, “one and done.” I never made a declaration either way—I didn’t feel I could. I never wanted to close the door on either possibility.
Looking back, I often summarise our IVF journey like this: five years, four rounds of IUI, three rounds of IVF, and eleven embryos. It sounds brief—but it was anything but. It was huge! So much sadness, disappointment, uncertainty, so much time and money, Covid lockdowns in the mix too. With unexplained infertility, all we could do was try and keep trying, it was tough and gruelling, meanwhile others were successfully enjoying their families, their children. Over these years we would flip flop a lot, at one stage we were putting a halt on our wedding and during times of trying to accept that this might not happen for us, we took on a puppy, as our ‘baby’. We were just trying to cope! My partner and I supported each other every step, with every emotion (good and bad), with zero judgement, which I felt was helpful at the time. Plus, we would occasionally let in some immediate family and close friends too, but did feel quite cautious with this after announcing too early with all the excitement, miscarrying at the 12-week scan and having the horrible task of letting everyone know what had happened.
We did get there eventually and now we have Poppy! While Poppy brings so much joy and I can’t imagine my future without her, a part of me would love to provide her with a sibling. I loved being pregnant, I LOVE being a Mum, so many positives and so much love to offer. But this not an option for us to decide.
At Easter 2025, I had a moment where I truly felt pregnant—naturally. The signs were there, and it felt possible. But it wasn’t. Sadness returned, though oddly, there was a hint of relief too.
The emotions throughout this journey are strong and wild to deal with, it’s a rollercoaster, but we’re all permitted to feel what we feel whenever we feel. I remind myself that we’re not alone, others are struggling too, and while more pregnancies are now being announced, I am always going to feel grateful for what we do have.
At the age of 44 now, I think it’s important now to take some time. I have found it helpful to remember and really reflect on this long journey. Which has subsequently triggered my interest in sharing and explains how I came to writing this. I even feel comfortable letting go of Poppy’s bassinette and newborn items I had been holding onto so tightly.
My focus now is on toddler mum life, preparing for and navigating the (hopefully) odd tantrum and toilet training too! And just enjoying seeing her grow, developing her cute little personality (and hopefully more hair soon too). So many new words and chatting away with her is so much fun, I love watching her learn so many new things!
I think the best advice I can offer others, is to not bottle things up, if sharing becomes oversharing or overwhelming, try journaling. Sometimes simply getting the multitude of thoughts out of your head and instead on to paper really does help. There are so many resources out there for extra information and support. Do your best to try not to compare, everyone is different and remember it might not feel like it, but others don’t intend to hurt you with their pregnancy news. Run things at your own pace, when YOU feel ready and I definitely recommend ensuring you take time for yourself.
One piece of advice that’s harder to share: prepare for the worst early on. We were blindsided at our 12-week scan when we were told there was no heartbeat. It was our first pregnancy, and miscarriage hadn’t even crossed our minds—until it did. After experiencing our miscarriage and sharing with others, they also began to share too, sadly it’s incredibly common! The second part to this, is that IVF doesn’t fix everything, so take note of the statistics, you may need several egg collections and sadly several transfers.
So while it’s now taken me nearly two months to completely write this, I find myself now surrounded by 6 pregnancies, but each announcement does get a little easier to handle!
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